I’ve strayed. I’ve strayed away from writing, reading, and even running. I’ve relinquished so many things that make me feel like me because I am exhausted. I would like to fix that. I feel that I’ve lost a bit of myself in the grind of law school. I’ve suppressed a lot of emotions at the expense of my mental health. I’ve been in Survival Mode since August 2017. Survival Mode is a dangerous place, and it’s not sustainable. While you should certainly not apologize for doing what needs to be done to survive, but it’s generally not healthy to stay in such a place for so long.
Back to the Blog
I would like to keep my blog afloat for a number of reasons. First, it is an outlet for me to speak to friends, family, and followers. I am an over-sharer. That’s just how I function. Second, it is a tool for my future and my business (and my future business). I will share the details about that later. Third, it’s kind of a journal and simply fun for me to post. I need more fun in my life.
When I lived in Spain, it was easy to keep this thing up and running. I was constantly inspired. I lived in paradise, and each day was easy and beautiful. I traveled often, and I could write about my experiences frequently. This thing is clearly no longer a travel-only blog. I’m not sure what it is at the moment. But I do know what I want it to be. And it does include travel and law. 😉
It’s been a year and a half since my return to the states, and I’m still coping with the drastic lifestyle change I experienced. I’m also not here to say that one is right and one is wrong, although I certainly have my biases. The biggest difference is the work-driven lifestyle of the U.S. It’s not that I’m afraid of hard work. In fact, my current job is the most fulfilling I’ve ever had. It’s the expectation that is heavy– as a working student, there is no time for anything but work. Not to mention, the scramble at the end to become a licensed attorney and start paying off debt.
I’m learning to find beauty in my temporary suburban surroundings. I’m learning to make time for my creative self when I feel constant pressure to perform academically. I’m learning to temporarily let go of goals I thought I could never live without. I’m learning to embrace new goals that I never planned to make. In fact, they involve day dates with myself and more naps. I’m learning that if I want to be successful in anything, I have to be healthy first.
I’m learning to say no to things, even when it breaks my heart. I don’t have to do everything. I can barely do anything in Survival Mode.
Contrary to popular belief on social media, no, it’s not about “making” time. Sometimes it’s virtually impossible to “make time” for anything else, and that’s okay.
Here’s to 2019. Let’s all bid Survival Mode goodbye. At least until final exams.