Sweet Little Victories

This week was a great week.

.

.

.

Because I was on time for every class, and I didn’t miss a single one*. I know some may be thinking that this is their every day. Why is it so special for me?!

I have a time management problem. I also have generalized anxiety disorder. Those two things do NOT work well together. My time management problem is nothing new. This is continued from childhood. Ask my mom. (Sorry mom!) Ask my friends. Don’t ask my fiance though because he’s an enabler! 😀

I grossly underestimate how long it’s going to take to do just about anything: the drive from my apartment to the law school, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, homework, running (and showering, resting, and snacking). I’m so used to marching to the beat of my own drum that I forget there’s another drum beating… world standard time.

It’s not because I’m lazy or not disciplined. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I would venture to say I have many more obligations that the average Jane. I simply lack awareness. I quite literally lose track of time every day. I often do this because I tend to spend so much time perfecting whatever I’m working on. I also often become so overwhelmed with my never-ending to-do list that I feel paralyzed. Then I waste time trying to organize every minute of my day. I spend so much time perfecting my schedule or to-do list that has already been set up for failure with unrealistic goals.

It’s a vicious cycle. Part of my lateness is accredited to absolutely chaotic mornings which stem from late nights. And so on and so forth…. This week was a more laid back week in law law land (in terms of homework only*), and I was able to focus on having better bedtimes. Sunday night, high winds caused a massive power outage in my neighborhood around 8:45pm, so I got ready for bed early. Because I had a pre-11pm bedtime, I was able to wake up earlier and have a nice little morning. And that’s how I started my week!

That’s what I would like to work on next month: cultivating a morning routine. Waking up earlier meant that I had time to take care of myself before taking on 12-hour days, and hello, eye-opener! Being able to put myself together in the mornings made me more confident to take on my days, and I needed that this week. This is literally not news to early risers. But I’m a lifelong night owl, baby. Don’t judge. (At age 10, I could stay awake until 3:00am reading Harry Potter, and I did so shamelessly.)

This goal wouldn’t be so hard if I were not in law school. Many aspects of this education are out of my control. Last week I was back to my sleep-deprived ways because I had another brief (lol) due and an exam in the same week. Having a routine last week would have been virtually impossible because I did not give a damn about what I looked like or what I was eating. I just wanted to sleep when I could.

This week was about recovering as best as I could given my schedule. Considering that I just saw my doctor today for a chronic sinus infection, I know I still have work to do haha. My apartment is a disaster, and I’ve barely cooked this week. But I was in control of my schedule, and I was on time for everything. That is something to celebrate. It feels like my mental health sighed a small breath of relief. I am capable!

Plus many other sweet little things happened. Progress in ballet, mail from Leo, socializing with coworkers– those are stories for another post!

*The only time I miss class is for illness or when something desperately needs to give in my schedule and I’m trying to prevent super late nights and all-nighters.

**I still had a solid block of 12-hour days this week. The fact that I was in my pajamas before 9pm tonight and ate dinner in bed at 7pm is indicative of that fact.

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